Grant Us An Audience (excerpts)
By Grant Miller
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Scene ii. LOVFA
CHORUS
Welcome to our info session! We are excited to offer our new WE REALLY ACTUALLY CARE Grant by the Local Organization for Validating Famished Artists.
CHORUS 1
We at LOVFA will be hosting two other info sessions after these ones within the next three hours.
They will not be recorded. There will be no interpreters, captions, and we cannot not help you write them because we are also struggling to get by.
The grant is due by 10PM Pacific Standard Time today.
CHORUS 2
We scrapped all of your previous funding applications because of the pandemic, fires, ice storms, and uprisings, so we are excited to provide you with this highly-responsive-and-concerned-about-marginalized-people-application. Answer just these five questions. Plus include a resume AND a CV. And also four letters of recommendation. Please be sure to write in the white language. If you go over the word limit, we will ban all of your future applications and tell all the other arts funders about you.
CHORUS 3
We expect to award up to $600 per person for you to make your art.
CHORUS writes checks onto the stage.
This application will take three-to-five hours to fill out. If you have any anxiety filing this out, we really do care. If you do not have insurance, an expensive legal body managed by the ruling class, or want to use this money for food, shelter, or healthcare, do not apply.
CHORUS 4
We are the engine that makes art. If your art irritates the rich, promotes illegal activity you use to survive, or in any way criticizes our very very well intentioned and still learning organization, go ahead and apply. We can’t promise anything. Our panel of financially stable community members will determine your worth.
CHORUS 1
Your diversity is of great value to us. So that we can check the box, if you hold a minority identity please check the box.
The flow intensifies.
If you win, we will be sure to celebrate by putting photos of your very marginalized body on our website, and ask you to speak at our annual drinking gala for the donor class where our war criminal mayor will offer you a used canister of locally manufactured tear gas.
CHORUS
Any questions?
Silence. If anyone from the audience speaks, cut them off.
Thank you so much for attending our WE REALLY ACTUALLY CARE grant info session.
Beat.
Scene iii. Gravelton Family Arts Studio
CHORUS
You are invited to join us at the Gravelton Family Arts Studio.
FRAMING
This is the start of a new scene.
CHORUS 1
PARTRICIA TEMPLETON will greet you when you arrive. She would like to speak with you about a project. We are SO excited about you.
CHORUS 2
Unfortunately we don’t have an accessible entrance. We just updated the entire building last year but the cost of access is too expensive.
However, we do have a conveyer belt that draws luggage up from the street and returns garbage out for the doorman. We can secure you with duct tape to get you in.
Duct tape is audibly and visibly stretched and torn on stage by CHORUS. It can be rumpled up and tossed into the kitchen sink. Sounds of a conveyer belt. Conveyer belt sounds. FRAMING mimes being taped and carried a conveyer belt. CHORUS and FRAMING ride up. It’s a long ride.
PARTRICIA TEMPLETON
I’m Partricia Templeton. I’m a white, non-disabled woman with exciting brown hair. I wear colorful, expensive clothing and have a warm smile.
Suddenly.
FRAMING! Its so good to have you here. Welcome.
FRAMING
Thank you!
Beat.
This space is incredible. The natural light from those windows is remarkable. So much wallspace. And the climate control is fabulous. Small talk, small talk, small talk.
PARTRICIA TEMPLETON
Small talk, small talk, small talk.
FRAMING AND PATRICIA TEMPLETON (UNISON/OVERLAPPING)
Small talk, small talk, small talk, small talk, small talk...
Continue. They pant, then take a heaving breath together. Beat.
PARTRICIA TEMPLETON
You know the family that owns this space is actually old money whose fortune really grew during the 70s from the tear gas and pepper spray industry. Way back when, centuries ago, they started building their fortune in the blanket trade. These blankets hanging on the wall are some of the oldest that were traded in Oregon. They had to be specially framed in sealed glass for obvious reasons. By the way, I’m really sorry but I may need to take a call while we are in this meeting. I’m still on my shift, you know?
Honestly, I really love it here. A few years ago I almost left because it is so hard to find a job working in admin and curation. There aren’t many positions with health insurance and its so hard to get grant funding to survive here.
Actors have a take to the audience. Beat.
FRAMING
Tell me about it. Its almost like they don’t want us here.
Beat.
By the way that ride up the garbage chute was really weird.
PARTRICIA TEMPLETON
Oh, I know. I’ve been meaning to clean it out recently, but we use it so much I can hardly justify taking a day off to do it. I’m so sorry you went through that to get in but in a way it was meant to be.
FRAMING
You know, it really makes me curious about using it for a dance piece.
PARTRICIA
In one breath. Accelerating.
Oh wow, that’s super interesting. We’ll have to talk about it. Yeah, you know, if you wanted to film a dance here its not to say that you couldn’t do it here that would definitely be possible. The thing is I only work here as the Supreme Curator of All that Happens Within and as a nondisabled white woman I don’t really have power over how the space is used because I don’t own it. If the art somehow reflected badly on the space, that would really put me in a bad position. You see, if I push the owners too hard I could get fired, and its so hard to have a job in the arts here you know? They get a great tax break having this space be both an AirBnB and art studio. But you know what? Maybe if you talk to the owner of the space Mr Gravelton at a party here and he likes you then I could whisper in his ear to maybe possibly use the space. He just really doesn’t like being critiqued, even a whiff of being told that he’s doing something wrong can really shut him down.
FRAMING
So you said you wanted to talk to me about a project?
PARTRICIA TEMPLETON
YES. So I’ve been really interested in diversity lately. And this is really a project for me, not for the space here. I just thought you might like to see what the space is like its so beautiful here.
Beat.
You might be aware of some of the diverse bodies I’ve worked with in town? Well, the Capitalist Foundation for Artist Domestication has a huge grant out to start a diversity coalition and I think you would be just great for being on our artists team.
FRAMING
Mouth open.
Wow.
PARTIRICIA TEMPLETON
Yeah, I know. Its like $200,000 for a team of 25 artists for a five year project. Obviously the bulk of that goes to administrative costs, but I think you really have a lot to offer.
FRAMING
Thank you so much. Like what do you have in mind?
PARTIRICIA TEMPLETON
Well you know such much about accessibility. The things you have to say about access. People really think of you when they think of access. You do disability and really nobody else is doing that.
FRAMING
Right.
PARTRICIA TEMPLETON
Yeah, I was thinking of asking a few other Black people I know and I think we really have a shot at winning it. One of our board members is married to an indigenous man and their son is just out of school and likes art so I was thinking of asking her if he could be on the grant too. No need to give me an answer now, but maybe we can check in about it again as the deadline approaches.
Phone rings.
PARTRICIA TEMPLETON
Oh, I think this is that call I was waiting for.
Extended, silent phone call. Partricia raises a finger to indicate FRAMING should wait.
You know what, I just got off the phone with our attorneys and apparently we can’t have you take the conveyer belt back down, only up. The optics are terrible, you understand. So we’ve arranged for a team drones to fly you out of here.
FRAMING
Well I’m really glad I got to learn what its all about here.
PARTIRICA TEMPLETON
Yes, me too! And we do have a party this Friday to celebrate political power, so if you want to meet Mr. Gravelton just let me know and I’ll make sure we leave some duct tape by the conveyer belt. Have a great rest of your day!
The CHORUS moves around FRAMING. FRAMING moves around CHORUS. They struggle to lift each other into the air.
FRAMING
Lets take some time to digest.